One Chemo Down

Friday, November 2, 2007

Hi everyone,

I’ve been wondering what to say and in how much graphic detail. I’ve come through the first chemo treatment, which is a bit like waking-up after a nightmare. People were wonderful and I felt very spoilt, supported and loved.

By now with the previous chemo, I would be weaning myself off the painkillers. Even though it is wonderful to be home, having fresh air and enjoying the fabulous extension (it was so worth finishing), its been another learning curve in my journey and I’ve had to accept that I need to stay on the drugs. And that so-called “normality” is always going to be through a slight drugged-haze. I don’t do “normal” anymore!

This sounds so dreadfully melodramatic. But it’s obvious that something abnormal is going on with my body. I feel like my arms and legs are like sticks cellotaped onto a balloon.

When I’m tired I get pissed-off, because I have to accept a state of being that I’m not used to. I’d like to feel “me”. But constantly having to accept and re-adjust makes me mightily upset and angry.

However, even as I write this, I look out the window and see a glorious Autumn garden. Such loving people come and go. I recognise their need to express love and to share it with me. I’m so grateful for everyone’s care and enjoy their company.

After a big tirade I lose steam and thankfully come back down to something very simple. Always there,loving and sustaining me.

Big hugs,

Greta