More Keeping in Touch

Monday, June 9, 2008

The house has a calm & stillness about it not dissimilar to when Greta gave birth to Scott and Jack. Except that where there was a sense of excitement then, there is a sombre tinge now.

Following my last note, the week started with inputs at extreme ends of the scale,..

Greta: Are you sure people want to read all this stuff? Won’t it become like a depressing soap-opera? Greta this , Greta that…..

Cathy (next day – unconnected) : If people are anything like me they will be checking Facebook daily for news of Greta. So even if you post ‘no news’ each day it will be helpful.

I thought about this. The phone is relatively quiet (thanks ;^) ), yet those who want it so, are in still touch and connected. Almost every day at some point I sit with Greta and read her the emails, messages letters, and comments you send. I guess if it were me and I’d had enough, I’d just stop reading it. And in any case as Greta’s condition worsens I’ll have less time to post. But the truth is, it’s helping me in a therapeutic and healing way. It’s a means of getting my thoughts, emotions and reflections in some sort of order, and I look forward reading what comes back from people; so here goes….

Greta’s week has been mostly spent in the bedroom. The bird song is consistent and powerful, and a constant delight for her. The windows are open all day in the bedroom when the sun shines and its warm. Also everything she needs is close to hand, including a bell to call us if we are suddenly needed. Getting up and down the stairs is very demanding and then finding a comfortable position is also something of an art.

However she did walk very slowly around the garden once, and yesterday the boys helped her outside onto the chaise longue. It was a very lovely image – all her young men tending her and trying so hard to give her something back-a moment of pleasure….. just as you’d want it to be , if you found yourself in this situation. In the end it was a cacophony of pillows, towels, bowls, footstools, oxygen, sheets lying on the bushes acting as a shade, and even a sun-cap. But we did spend a pleasant hour chilling (or warming) out there.

Far fewer visitors through the week, but Avril brought Grandpa (my Dad) and Beattie (his wife), both over 80, from Edgware for one last visit. They could only just manage the stairs. As usual Greta surprised us all. They had been there for a short while when I asked how Beattie was. She looked very stooped since I last saw her, and her ankles were more swollen than Greta’s (which is really saying something). When Grandpa interrupted her answer asking Greta a question and unwittingly changing the subject– she said ‘ hold on, I haven’t finished hearing about Beattie.’ Beattie finished.

Then Greta spent what little energy she had, spontaneously recounting her relationship with them both in such a loving way. She let my Dad know that her wish was for them to have more time for enjoyment. That Beattie needed care and could not go on being his only support. That she wanted the him to use the families strength to get a better living situation for them both. Beattie and Avril were in tears. It was very very moving. Very Greta.

The morphine has increased, she finds it increasingly difficult to eat and what does go in often comes back. At times is all seems so cruel and unremitting. Yet even in this grotesque and unrelenting vista, we are both still learning about our relationship and ourselves, digging deeper all the time. Over time we have learned that it’s the space between us, that allows the coming together. Without that space it can be suffocating. It’s still true now – and on new levels. Forgiveness and acceptance in ourselves and toward each other is a moment-to-moment necessity.

Jack is now finished Uni for the year and back with us. He has been able to spend much more time with Greta in a very caring and loving way. The whole family was together over the weekend which was especially welcome. Lots of being together; talking about the things that need talking about; some tears and a lot of love. Elliott spoke of a sense of grace that has replaced his anxiety about the future. It seems that each of them is reaching an acceptance of the inevitable in their own way.

Although I’ve been extremely tired, this week has been easier. I haven’t felt the open-wound emotions so much, so coping hasn’t been so hard. I have been able to practice the inner-peace techniques more easily , and have been in contact with my ‘inner cuddle’ more of the time. It makes all the difference.

The Trembaths told us about a woman who had given up trying to keep the squirrels out of the bird food. Rather, she lured them with peanut butter which they apparently adore. She smeared it inside a hollow log closed at both ends, with small holes along the shaft to reach inside. It kept the bastards entertained for hours. Elliott devised a simpler lure with an almost empty jar simply laid on the lawn. This morning we heard Charlie barking very excitedly in the garden- couldn’t see why. This afternoon we saw one of the buggers with his head inside the jar & we understood. The birdfeed is intact and the blue tits have returned. Charlie is very excited!

If there’s nothing from me on the day you next check Facebook – it means ‘no news’

Thanks for all your kindness and love
Steve

PS Quite a few people are asking to come and see Greta. Sadly it just isn’t possible with the limited, declining energy and up-time she has . But if you write to her she will get everything you send.

PPS We all think the Apprentice is an open book and too close to call.