Her passing marked the end of an incredible, 30-month journey, during which many changes took place as we struggled to first cure, then manage the disease (soft-tissue cancer of the uterus /inter-uterine leiomyosarcoma ). After the first major surgery, followed by an intense course of chemo, we thought she was clear. But in September 2007 it came back and we knew then, that we had limited time.

Just keeping her huge flock of family, friends and loved ones informed threatened to become a full-time job in itself. So we started to use Facebook as a means of keeping everyone in touch in a manageable way. But it very quickly changed..

What began as a convenience soon became an essential outlet for her (and me), providing the means to express fully the range of challenges, emotions and issues that we were facing. It enabled everyone who followed it to share the journey, and we were all moved in some way. Cancer sufferers were able to draw some hope from her expression, while others began to think differently about relationships, life, time, illness, and their own mortality. Some got a better understanding of  the amazingly positive influence Prem Rawat’s work had on her life. All were inspired by her courage, honesty and love.

It seemed fitting to assemble those notes and provide a permanent home for them. I think of this website as a tribute to the awesome woman, wife, mother and friend she was. I hope it gives you a fraction of what she gave me. Your life will indeed be richer if it does, and her legacy of positivity, kindness and love will endure.

Steve Brenman

24th November 2008

read the blog….

Hi,

I am just finding my feet with this… bear with me as I get the hang of it!

xx Greta

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Ullamcorper suscipit lobortis nisl ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis autem vel eum iriure dolor in hendrerit in vulputate velit esse molestie consequat, vel illum dolore eu feugiat nulla facilisis at vero eros et accumsan et iusto odio dignissim qui blandit praesent luptatum zzril delenit augue duis dolore te feugait.

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Wednesday, July 16, 2008 at 2:56pm | Edit Note | Delete

I’ve been feeling for a while there is one more note to post. Just been waiting for the right moment. Marcus has come back to stay with us at White Cottage for a few days. It’s very comforting to have a ‘Campbell’ in the house again and this feels like the right time.

The weekend after Greta’s send-off (it really didn’t feel like a funeral did it?), the boys and I went together with Selina and Claire to spend a few days in Portugal at Avril’s villa. We were all utterly exhausted and needed time to ‘breathe out’. It was the most perfect thing to do, even if it was a bit painful not to see Greta with us, nose in a book, eating some exotic fruit in the shade by the pool (never good in the sun).

We had time to be still, together, alone, practice, reflect , sleep, cry, laugh, recover, and get-pissed. We stayed mainly around the villa which was perfect as it was ‘away’ but completely familiar, & we have had so many wonderful times there over the years. We sat at the pool quietly each day,at night cooked on the Barbie, and generally were together while giving each other space.

On some evenings we played games which was a real treat as we laughed and wept. One night we began to watch old videos of the boys birthday parties and holidays in Ireland. It was such as a delight. We realised that we have probably not watched these memories since the day after they were shot. Although a little bittersweet, it was wonderful to see Greta as the healthy , vibrant young woman we know. Scott began to appreciate what a ‘looker’ his mum was ( I agree), and we all realised how long ago the whole person had last been with us.

Looking back, it became clear that although Greta was present right to the end, we have been losing a bit of her each day for over two years. And as time passed, we have gently filled in. I think that partly explains why since the send-off, it seems to have been gentler for us than those who saw her less often.

On the Wednesday it was Elliott’s 25th birthday and Avril had persuaded me to celebrate in a wonderful restaurant/ hotel on the Algarve cliffs. Greta and I had been there with Avril and Sean a year earlier on Neil and Charlie’s recommendation. It was a time of great hope and optimism for us both. She had just finished chemo for the first time and was recovering. She looked absolutely gorgeous (moody black and white photos attached were shot there).

It was wonderful to return . We drank to Elliott and then drank to life going forward. We started to draw a line under things and we realised it was a week to the day since the send-off. The most perfect afternoon; and we returned to Kingston the next day.

That weekend the boys and I went to see Maharaji in Birmingham together. We all found it utterly relevant and very inspiring. Many references were made to the preciousness of life. Towards the end he gave us a look (we were sitting very near the front) and then said something like this:

Sometimes people go in odd circumstances – but how amazing that even then can they go with a smile- and a happy life- fulfilled
Not Oh my God [ie in shock] but oh my god – what a life!

Not a dry eye among us….

I have been trying to be kind to myself and not rushing back to things. So since then I have been to Scotland and Warsaw to see him again, and am grateful that I have had the time to be re-filled in this way. But in truth every day is a blessing. I have been making extra time to be with my inner stillness (for months actually) and I am reaping the benefit.

For some Greta’s passing brings them to a new page; for others it’s a new chapter, but for me it’s a new book. I feel very different as a person. Still the same but somehow wiser, clearer and even more connected to life. I am optimistic and looking forward, yet feel the loss and pain to some extent every day. I welcome this and feel very comfortable with it. And just beyond it is a very deep sense of inner-certainty that while this outcome may not be my choice, everything is exactly as it should be.

When I look back it feels a feels a bit like a card game, in which the hand you are dealt is not changeable. And the cards determine a very specific outcome. I believe the most perfect game possible was played, and given our complete inability to change the final outcome, I honestly would not change one day.

In the end we are here for a short while, and the truth is we are largely out of control. And in that light the only truly meaningful things are those which bring us into the moment, and ensure that when our final card is played there are no regrets. I have had the privilege to have loved and supported a truly excellent role model.

Bring it all on….. Life to the full on every level.

With love and big hugs always

Steve
http://www.deepblue-ski.com/greta/ (link to Gretas reading)

PS The squirrels are back.
PPS Please write to me if you want to see Maharaji next time he does an introductory event in the UK. Meantime you can find lots of relevant info on www.wordsofpeace.net

Nisl ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis autem vel eum iriure dolor in hendrerit in vulputate velit esse molestie consequat, vel illum dolore eu feugiat nulla facilisis at vero eros et accumsan et iusto odio dignissim qui blandit praesent luptatum zzril delenit augue duis.

Wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci tation ullamcorper suscipit lobortis nisl ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis autem vel eum iriure dolor in hendrerit in vulputate velit esse molestie consequat, vel illum dolore eu feugiat nulla facilisis at vero eros et accumsan et iusto odio dignissim qui blandit praesent luptatum zzril delenit augue duis dolore te feugait nulla facilisi. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh.

Friday, June 27, 2008 at 12:26pm | Edit Note | Delete

It’s been a very extreme ten days.

Extremes of love, tears, grief, warmth, pain, beer, relief, exhaustion and limbo.

Wednesday just could not have been a more fitting as a send-off for Greta. We want to thank everybody for being there and helping to make it what it was; and for the many kind emails and cards we have since received. I think she would have been happy with most of it, and not squirmed too much at the end.

Pembroke Lodge felt to me like yet another large gathering of our friends and loved ones with that unique sense of warmth, pleasure and love at being with each other. Only the moments of actually hearing Greta hysterical laughing and giggling were missing for me. All the rest was there.

Queensland 2005

Greta’s 40th with Claire

Lots of people wanted various bits of the service, so I will post all the speeches, readings and music on Greta’s page. The reception slides are in my photos here on my pages for now. We have talked about making a simple website that could accommodate pictures, anecdotes and so on, so that when people want to remember Greta they can just go there and rediscover some memories. In the meantime please just post whatever you like (reflections, anecdotes, photos really – whatever) on Greta’s wall and if we should follow this up we will copy them over.

In the house it has at various times been busy, crowded, empty and also just the same.

On the day she died and everything had been removed, we all felt the same need to clean up and reclaim the space back to its normality. When I went to bed that night, and she wasn’t there, it was like one of the many nights I had returned from being with her all day in hospital. I flopped into bed exhausted and alone. Except I didn’t phone her to say goodnight.

When we lived in Sheen, Greta would often disappear for an hour or so to go shopping or a quick visit. Many hours later than expected she would return with a chirpy ‘ I’m home,’ only to find me with smoke coming out of my ears, having been unable to reach her by any phone, and her not having told us she had been distracted by something absolutely wonderful, and just gone along with it.

For much of the week it has felt a bit like that, without the smoke.

In South Africa just a few weeks before the hospitalisations started in 2006

In some ways it’s been so normal that we haven’t ‘missed’ her much yet. Perhaps its because we have had so long to come to terms with this and missed her so much over the last two years; or maybe we’re not there yet. But we all feel the need to get away, be alone, reflect and recover. We want to move on with the future whatever it may hold. We are all optimistic and exhausted. and I need some time to rediscover myself. So as a start, tomorrow we are off to Avril’s place in Portugal to spend a few days alone, together.

Finally, Greta wanted her ashes to be placed in Richmond Park, which over the years has been such a significant part of our lives. We have sponsored a bench in her memory, not far from the house. The planned inscription is below. Please feel free to come and spend some peaceful moments there anytime.

With all our love and appreciation

Steve, Elliott, Scott and Jack.

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Wednesday, July 16, 2008 at 2:56pm | Edit Note | Delete

I’ve been feeling for a while there is one more note to post. Just been waiting for the right moment. Marcus has come back to stay with us at White Cottage for a few days. It’s very comforting to have a ‘Campbell’ in the house again and this feels like the right time.

The weekend after Greta’s send-off (it really didn’t feel like a funeral did it?), the boys and I went together with Selina and Claire to spend a few days in Portugal at Avril’s villa. We were all utterly exhausted and needed time to ‘breathe out’. It was the most perfect thing to do, even if it was a bit painful not to see Greta with us, nose in a book, eating some exotic fruit in the shade by the pool (never good in the sun).

We had time to be still, together, alone, practice, reflect , sleep, cry, laugh, recover, and get-pissed. We stayed mainly around the villa which was perfect as it was ‘away’ but completely familiar, & we have had so many wonderful times there over the years. We sat at the pool quietly each day,at night cooked on the Barbie, and generally were together while giving each other space.

On some evenings we played games which was a real treat as we laughed and wept. One night we began to watch old videos of the boys birthday parties and holidays in Ireland. It was such as a delight. We realised that we have probably not watched these memories since the day after they were shot. Although a little bittersweet, it was wonderful to see Greta as the healthy , vibrant young woman we know. Scott began to appreciate what a ‘looker’ his mum was ( I agree), and we all realised how long ago the whole person had last been with us.

Looking back, it became clear that although Greta was present right to the end, we have been losing a bit of her each day for over two years. And as time passed, we have gently filled in. I think that partly explains why since the send-off, it seems to have been gentler for us than those who saw her less often.

On the Wednesday it was Elliott’s 25th birthday and Avril had persuaded me to celebrate in a wonderful restaurant/ hotel on the Algarve cliffs. Greta and I had been there with Avril and Sean a year earlier on Neil and Charlie’s recommendation. It was a time of great hope and optimism for us both. She had just finished chemo for the first time and was recovering. She looked absolutely gorgeous (moody black and white photos attached were shot there).

It was wonderful to return . We drank to Elliott and then drank to life going forward. We started to draw a line under things and we realised it was a week to the day since the send-off. The most perfect afternoon; and we returned to Kingston the next day.

That weekend the boys and I went to see Maharaji in Birmingham together. We all found it utterly relevant and very inspiring. Many references were made to the preciousness of life. Towards the end he gave us a look (we were sitting very near the front) and then said something like this:

Sometimes people go in odd circumstances – but how amazing that even then can they go with a smile- and a happy life- fulfilled
Not Oh my God [ie in shock] but oh my god – what a life!

Not a dry eye among us….

I have been trying to be kind to myself and not rushing back to things. So since then I have been to Scotland and Warsaw to see him again, and am grateful that I have had the time to be re-filled in this way. But in truth every day is a blessing. I have been making extra time to be with my inner stillness (for months actually) and I am reaping the benefit.

For some Greta’s passing brings them to a new page; for others it’s a new chapter, but for me it’s a new book. I feel very different as a person. Still the same but somehow wiser, clearer and even more connected to life. I am optimistic and looking forward, yet feel the loss and pain to some extent every day. I welcome this and feel very comfortable with it. And just beyond it is a very deep sense of inner-certainty that while this outcome may not be my choice, everything is exactly as it should be.

When I look back it feels a feels a bit like a card game, in which the hand you are dealt is not changeable. And the cards determine a very specific outcome. I believe the most perfect game possible was played, and given our complete inability to change the final outcome, I honestly would not change one day.

In the end we are here for a short while, and the truth is we are largely out of control. And in that light the only truly meaningful things are those which bring us into the moment, and ensure that when our final card is played there are no regrets. I have had the privilege to have loved and supported a truly excellent role model.

Bring it all on….. Life to the full on every level.

With love and big hugs always

Steve
http://www.deepblue-ski.com/greta/ (link to Gretas reading)

PS The squirrels are back.
PPS Please write to me if you want to see Maharaji next time he does an introductory event in the UK. Meantime you can find lots of relevant info on www.wordsofpeace.net

Tuesday, September 25, 2007 at 2:44pm

Hi,

I am just finding my feet with this… bear with me as I get the hang of it!

xx Greta